Musings of a brand new Mama

Our little girl is 2 weeks old now (16 days on earth, to be exact!) and we are both adjusting to our new demands of parenthood very well. We are fortunate, of course, to have been blessed with a very pleasant little baby who is happy and healthy and enjoys eating and sleeping and making faces. She is kind enough to sleep for long stretches during the night, which has let her parents avoid the stresses of insomnia. Tumi doesn't mind staying up late, and I don't mind waking up early, and while I used to think that this difference in our preferences was a bad thing for our relationship, it turns out to work perfectly when co-parenting an infant! She eats huge amounts in the evenings (who knew a teeny tiny baby could fit so much milk in her itsy bitsy belly?) and then sleeps for several hours into the night. I have been able to go to sleep after these marathon feeding sessions while Tumi soothes her to sleep. Then, when she wakes up in the morning, I am well rested enough to meet her needs in the early hours of the day. I am proud of my partner and the balance we've struck as new parents.

Since my brain is still in 'Milk Fog' (aka 'Mommy-Brain') and not likely to clear up for a few months, I figured I could use this blog as an opportunity to expound on some random thoughts I've had recently about the adventures of parenting an infant....After reading as much as I did about pregnancy, birth, and parenthood, I considered myself well-prepared to take on the challenges of motherhood. Still, there have been several surprises I was not prepared for at all!

Everyone talks about how difficult labor can be; how painful it is, how challenging. With all the hype, I was expecting labor and delivery to be harder than it actually was. It's true that once it it over, it is hard to describe the actual sensations of labor. It was surely not comfortable, but as I remember it, I was very excited feel the contractions coming on, because it meant that the labor was progressing. After a particularly intense contraction, I remember feeling proud and excited that things were moving along. Labor hormones are amazing things, and I don't remember being aware of the passage of time (I'm sure Tumi and the midwife were more exhausted with the whole process than I was!) despite the fact that it was a very long labor. Surely the epidural and induction drip I received once we arrived at the hospital were a great help with the pain towards the end of labor, but I don't remember labor and delivery as being the hell on earth it's usually described as...

Nobody, however, had prepared me for the pain and agony of breast-feeding! My little daughter sucks like her life depends on it (cuz it does) and it has taken my poor defenseless nipples some serious drive to survive her enthusiasm. Nobody prepared me, either, for the amazing feat of the female human body that happens when new milk comes in...for a few days, I was walking around the apartment with breasts the could easily rival Pamela Anderson. Huge, square, and the hardness of a basketball, my ladies were quite impressive there for a while! Sadly, having breasts as hard and flat as a wall makes it really hard for little baby to latch on properly, so my nipples were shredded to bits. After a week of shear agony (I was afraid to feed her because it hurt so very much) and after trying all the home-remedies I could find online, we decided to visit a lactation consultant at the hospital. She adjusted our latching technique a bit, and gave us some cream to help the wounds heal faster. Since the visit, breast-feeding has become less painful, but sadly is still not without discomfort. I'm told that eventually it will be easy and painless, a time which I am really looking forward to. As of now, I am extremely mad at people who choose to pierce their nipples...why would people willingly choose to wound themselves in such a special, sensitive place? Be nice to your nipples, people! Think of the new mamas out there with cracked, open wounds on their nipples who have to face their hungry children's eager vigorous suck twelve times a day!

People also don't tell you how much new moms sweat. I can't take enough showers in a day to keep myself from getting funky. When I wake up at night, I often feel like I've just jumped into a pool. I've seriously considered sleeping with a towel under me so as not to damage the mattress...People also don't tell you how hungry you can be and how quickly hunger can come on. I've been sitting innocently on the couch (where I spend most of all day every day these days) and all of a sudden started shaking from hunger, and have the 'need to eat something right away or I'll faint!' sensation. People don't tell you how hard it is to be away from your baby. I've left her for only an hour at a time, and I find myself enjoying the first ten minutes or so, then I become really anxious, and can't hold a conversation because all I can think about is getting back home to baby. I hope that this anxiety will also improve with time :)

A few more random new-mom thoughts: I've never in my life been so blissfully happy to crawl into bed at night greeted by soft flannel sheets and ear plugs, nor have I been so excited for the first glorious sips of my morning coffee. I've gotten really good at typing with one hand. We've been listening to 'Lonesome Dove' during nighttime feedings, and I am feeling grateful for my subscription to audible.com which is allowing me to enjoy 'reading' without using my hands. I'm taking recommendations for what we should read next. I haven't had a chance to try my new post-natal yoga video yet (somehow all the 'free time' I have during the day is sucked into sleeping or cleaning) but I am really looking forward to trying it out. I apologize in advance for not responding to emails, letters, facebook posts, text messages, and other attempts to communicate....keep it up, please, and I'll respond eventually (maybe when we're more settled into a routine here at home!). Lastly, little baby girl looks so much like her dad, I've been asked if I'm sure she's mine. Also, we're still deciding on a name, but will have one soon!