The Little F-ed-up-Mermaid

The Disney movie The Little Mermaid came out in 1989. I was Elsa Maria's age, and the direct target audience for the film. I've been watching it (a lot) through grown up eyes, and I have some serious gripes. The film sends horrible messages, and frankly, I'm surprised that it took me so long to realize.

1. Materialism much, fish lady?

Ariel is so obsessed with humans that she is basically a hoarder. Instead of fulfilling her obligations and spending time with other mermaids, she hangs out at shady shipwrecks with a weird side-kick fish whose whole point in life is to agree with her. 

2. Interspecies relationships are totally cool

I've seen a lot of fish in my time. I can imagine what it is like to give a hug to a fish that's my size....it's squishy, scaly, slimy, and doesn't smell very nice. We're not even to get into how fish reproduce, let's just all agree that it's not sexy at all. And think about it. Mermaids would not be quite so appealing in reverse. 

3. I wanna know what love is

Ariel falls "in love" with Prince Eric after creepily watching him dance a with his dog. Then she saves his life (bravo, Ariel) and is falls so madly "in love" that it leads her to make some really really poor choices (see list below). 

4. Fucked up priorities

As she is so desperately "in love" with the man she has never spoken to, Ariel asks a sketch octopus lady (witch) to make her a human. As part of the deal, Ariel has to "get the prince to kiss her" within three days, or her soul will forever belong to the witch. If she can accomplish the monumental, near impossible task of getting a horny single dude to kiss her (comm'on girl, it's not that hard....Hitler had a girlfriend, someone is bound to like you!) then she will be a human permanently. She thinks that's just dandy. She agrees to, best scenario: leave her home and never see her family ever again for someone she has never spoken with or worst scenario: turn into a creepy kelp creature and live in the witch's cave. Ariel is a total dingbat. 

5. Giving up your voice

As if that choice wasn't already irresponsible enough, Ariel has to literally give up her voice as part of the deal she makes with the witch. So, ladies. Get a man to fall "in love" with you, and kiss you within three days, and you have no words to say to him. It's the pinnacle of objectification. She looses her voice, her story, her personality, and (as far as I can tell, her only redeeming talent) her ability to sing. 

6. "Kiss the girl"in a rape-culture context

I want to know why Ariel didn't just kiss Eric. After all, her life is literally on the line! Instead she waits day after day for this tofu-flavored prince dude to make the first move. Then all her sea creature friends get a bit desperate (can't blame em, that girl is a total train wreck!) and sing a lovey-dovey song that has to do with "it don't take a word, not a single word, go on and kiss the girl!" Um, actually, it does take a word. Communication is the cornerstone of healthy relationships. And seriously? How hard is it for you to say, "I'd really like to kiss you. Is that okay? And then get a "yes" (or in Ariel's case, a vigorous nod). Isn't consent fun, kids? 

7. Ursula is the best role model in the film

While the other characters in the film are vacuous and make a series of horrible choices, Ursula the sea witch is smart, powerful, talented, and by a lot of standards, successful. What she wants more then anything is to control the ocean. She wants to overthrow the tyrant king and take control for herself. Ursula is a revolutionary. And she can do magic, which allows her to manipulate the stupid vain mer-people who are looking for fast fixes to their problems. And her song is the best in the movie. 

Like, 10 whole albums?

A few weeks ago, friends of mine on Facebook started posting lists of the "Top 10 albums" that influenced them. Some of them even "tagged" me in their posts, thus challenging me with the task of listing my own top 10. I ignored these challenges, for several reasons, but mostly because I found the task next to impossible. 10 albums? Like, 10 whole albums? I was pressed to think of any (let alone 10!) and I have some theories about why.

My first theory is that I am too young for albums. When I think about music that has strongly impacted me, I think of those binders with zippers up the side stuffed full of burned silver CDs with black sharpie. People made those for me; compilations of songs, some good and some really really not, but they were created as gifts from people I cared about, so they were meaningful for me. I also have strong memories of recording my favorite songs from the radio onto a cassette in my bedroom when I was a kid. The song I wanted would come on, and I would rush to the boom box, and hold down those two buttons at a time, and the wheels inside would start turning...cranking around the old cassette inside that had probably been recorded over a hundred times...Those tapes always included the annoying DJ talking over the beginning, and often another song cutting in towards the end. To put it simply, I grew up in a time of songs, not albums.

The thought that an artist or group crafted an album from beginning to end to tell me a story and take me on a musical journey was one that I have happily ignored, and continue to ignore to this day, which brings me to the second reason I don't think I can come up with 10 whole albums: I suck at music. Not just playing it, but I suck at even getting into it. I recently took a "learning style" quiz, and of course I was kinesthetic, visual, interpersonal, and not even a teeny tiny insy winsy bit musical. I know what I like, and I enjoy listening to music; I listen almost all day, but I have never been much of a connoisseur. I'm a lazy music lover. If music were BDSM, I would sub every time. Just lay back, let it happen to you, and enjoy.

And then there's another reason why I haven't written my album list. When I was growing up, life was absolutely all about me. I was an only child and probably got way way more attention than any little girl should until my little brother was born when I was five. For my whole childhood, we would listen to cassettes of kids' songs in the car. We'd sing along. Get to know the words. Learn about sharing and colors. Not exactly rock and roll, but it was awesome.  Then when I was 10, my second little brother was born. So, it's safe to assume the first 15 years of my life were devoted almost exclusively to children's music.

So, recognizing that music-intelligence-wise, I am severely under developed for my age, and that my stroll down the path of musical discovery has been more like a shuffle...I will hereby attempt to complete the 10 albums-that-influenced-me challenge.

1. Elton John, Good bye Yellow Brick Road

I got a CD player when I was twelve. It was chunky and white, and I put ladybug stickers on it. This was the first CD that I ever owned, and I listened to it endlessly. Very good dancing music.

2. Paul Simon, Negotiations and Love Songs

Upon learning that I had been given a CD player for my 12th birthday, and that I had never ever heard of Paul Simon, my loving next-door neighbor Sam told me that my parents had failed to raise me, and that she was taking the task on herself, and handed me this CD. I spent whole summers in our front yard with a sheet spread out on the freshly cut grass doing handstands and dancing by myself with this in the background.

3. Bing Crosby, White Christmas Album

Talk about influence! It doesn't really feel like Christmas without some crooning there in the background.

4. Sharon, Lois and Bram, The Elephant Show

My first live show. I was small, probably five. I have recently started listening to this again, and was amazed by how shrill, stupid-enthusiastic, and persistently annoying it is. My mother is a saint to listen to this for 15 years.

5. Raffi, Singable Songs for the Very Young

Until I was three, my mom had other kids come over and watched them during the day. One of the only memories I have of that time was the "jumping couch," a special time during the day in which my mom would turn on the music, and allow all the small toddler-people to bounce on the couch as much as we wanted. Raffi, along with the Elephant's Show, was a popular jumping-couch choice. Still makes me feel bouncy.

6. Spice Girls, Spice World

I feel like I need to apologize here. I know it's bad. I was young. They were just so pretty and sparkly! I became obsessed. The Spice Girls rose to international acclaim when I was in Junior High. I was a soon-to-be-teenager, and I was their target audience. Hook, line and sinker, man. I wanted to be their friend. I wanted into the club...to be like them, so beautiful and adored. I even wanted the stupid-big shoes. It was a phase, and I am over it now, thank you for asking. But this album was my favorite possession for a few months.

7. How the Elephant Got It's Trunk, Ruyard Kipling, as read by Jack Nicholson

Ok, not technically an album of music, but still strongly influential, so it's in! I listened to this last night, and it still puts a calm smile on my face. And is has Bobby McFerrin jamming throughout, which is just fantastic. I highly recommend it.

8. Celtic Moods/Celtic Dawn/Celtic Mist/Celtic Tapestry/Celtic-fuzzy-rainbows-and-shit

Any one of the dozens of "Celtic" music compilations my mom played in our home...they all sounded exactly the same, but they were all relaxing, and this style still makes me feel at home.

9. Bob Marley, Legend

Soundtrack to college?

10. The Sound of Music Soundtrack

Which my mom recorded onto a cassette tape from a record, probably right after college. It's scratchy, but good. And you can sing along in the car, which is a plus. (As a side note here, you should probably thank me for not including all the other 90s Disney soundtracks on this list, as they were also popular car-favorites!)

It takes a village

One amazing thing about parenting in Iceland is the power of community. A couple of years ago, I started to notice the way people here talk about their choice of neighborhood in relation to parenting, it would always go something like this, "Oh it is so nice to be in (fill in neighborhood) because the kids can go to school at (fill in school) and then play sports together at (fill in neighborhood sports center). It's just so good that they can do things together with their friends outside of school!" The thing is, I heard this about the neighborhood where I live, but I am sure that people say it everywhere. And then I realized how strong a sense of identity comes from the neighborhood (we're not even talking town here, just the borough) Icelanders are raised in. It doesn't take long in the course of conversation to hear where a person was raised. My sense of this at first as an outsider was "that's super weird." After all, when I was a kid, there were friends at school, different friends at dance, different friends across the street, and then the imaginary friends, trees, baby brothers and other playthings. I've never seen this whole neighborhood thing in action before until very recently, and let me tell you...it's fucking awesome. 

For instance, on Friday I was picking up my kids from school. I know a lot of the parents and other kids in the classes, and have had conversations with many of them and talked with their children. In a few cases, playdates after school have morphed into dinner, and I have realized the pure bliss of building friendships with parents of your kids' friends...it's so much fun! So, as I was picking up my kids last Friday, there were all the familiar faces, bundling their little ones and saying goodbye to the teachers, and have a good weekend and all that. Then they started to say, "See you tomorrow!" and I realized that all these small people who are with Elsa in school are also signed up for gymnastics, just like she is. So this is how it goes, you take your kids to gymnastics, and sit and have coffee with the parents. You talk about parenting things (which feels like therapy!) or work or the kids school or things that are on your mind. While chatting, you realize that you actually know a lot of other people who have also dropped off their kids. This place is so small, maybe I have just lived here for enough time that I've acquainted myself with a critical mass of people, and now I always see many people I know when I leave my front door. 

On Saturday morning, I saw all the parents I like from the kids' school, of course...and an old neighbor who was visiting the pool and works at the Nature Conservancy who was once my beloved jogging partner, and a mother of a little girl who was in Finn's old school who owns an organic hair salon downtown, and the neighbor who lives above us at our new house, and a lady I work with...They all know me, and they all know my kids. This sense of community is so new to me, and it's something I really appreciate about living and raising children here, especially when my family is so very far away. 

After gymnastics, we rode the bus back to our house with one of Elsa's best friends and her mom and little brother. We ate sandwiches and played and then took a walk downtown together. It was so much fun! Clearly good for the kids and also good for the mamas....that evening the kids and I watched a movie and ate pizza and then vacuumed the house. On Sunday, we had a visit from Amma and Afi and then another family from school came over to play at our house. It was a cool, rainy fall day so the company was cozy. Then we took a shopping trip with Amma and had dinner at their house with Gunnhildur and Bjorn. It was a very full weekend, everyone was tired and happy when it was over. 

Then there's another thing about this community. It is hard to put a finger on it, but I'll start by saying that it's an easy place to live. I walk the kids to school, which is right next to the local pool, ice-cream shop, bakery, florist and where they are building a new cafe. Just past that is a big sports and community center where the kids will probably have soccer practice and music lessons when they are older. We can hop on a bus and ride for 10 minutes and be in another neighborhood, with an even bigger pool, gym, and sports center (where the kids have gymnastics now). I can walk to my job downtown. The primary school where the kids will go is two blocks away and the middle school is a block beyond that. The University of Iceland is about three blocks in the other direction. Nothing is very far away in Iceland, but something about living on this old quiet cozy street and seeing the same faces at school, on the weekends and getting to know these people makes me so glad that I live here. I am starting to build this sense of neighborhood that I've never had before. I love it. 

I've decided to take a few random pictures of little things I see everyday...trying to piece together an image of life at the moment. They are boring, but I like them...like this little snapshot of my kitchen window...

We took Elsa to her 4 year old well-kid check up. This is how they tested her eyesight...Pirate style!

These two are in constant motion. Pillow fights are a common scene.

Some parents spend money on bath toys for their kids. We made boats out of foil. How many scoops until your boat sinks? What happens if you make the bottom bigger? Oh yea, we know how to have  Friday night.

We also know how to have  Saturday morning!

I call this one: Toddlers scare neighborhood cat while waiting for bus in the beautiful fall

Elsa on a monkey swing while Finnur was in gymnastics (he goes for an hour with the other kids born in 2011, and then she goes after that...quality time with each kid!)

Elsa is an excellent flower hunter

These were on the hill Elsa found to roll down

Walking back to take Elsa's turn at gymnastics

A visit from Hafdis Hanna and little baby Finnur!

The boys...Finnur Atli and Finnur Gunnarsson

Little boy alone with curtains. 

Heading out to conquer the town. Elsa and Johanna are peas in a pod. We think that one will be president and the other prime minister. 

Elsa gives the dinosaur the best ride of his life! Wahoo!

Elsa and Roskva watching the Incredibles...Roskva is so brilliant she doesn't mind that it's in English.  Given the amount she can already speak and how interested she is to learn more, I'm betting she'll be fluent before she starts school...the girl is amazing!

Despite the noise, Finn took a moment to snooze in the middle of the chaos this weekend...with a dino, of course. 

 Little girls have more fun upside-down. You should try it sometime!

Perfectly peaceful boring Tuesday (snoring children included)

It's early on a boring, regular Tuesday morning. I woke up around 6 and made myself some coffee and poked around on Facebook. The kids are snoring. Well, Elsa is snoring. Finn is cuddled up cozy in the middle of my bed. Today in Iceland, the sun will rise around 6:30 and set at about 8:15, but not for long...we loose around 6 and a half minutes of daylight everyday this time of year. In a few weeks, deep winter will be upon us. I feel like eating soup and making pies and snuggling up with a book underneath a warm blanket. I feel like taking a wet walk through the woods and coming inside to warm tea or heady red wine.

The kids and I moved into a new apartment a couple of weeks ago. We have been settling in, and the more time I spend here and make it my own, the more I like it. The kitchen is big and newly done, and the bathtub has been getting a lot of attention from all the members of our little family. The past place we lived had a less-then-adequate-half shower deal...we are all a bit starved for baths!

This week, Elsa will start singing in her first choir ("cutie choir"). I think she will really like it, and I am excited to go to listen to her sing. Maybe I will learn some new Icelandic songs. Then both kids begin gymnastics on Saturday. Elsa did it last year, but it will be Finn's first time. It is a nice way to spend a Saturday morning!

We are in the market for new rain clothes and snow suits and winter boots, and I am remembering that this seems to happen every year: it's September, the kids are bigger, and need new warm clothes.

So those are my thoughts this boring quiet Tuesday morning. Time to get ready for work and waking up kids!

Here they are in our new house before we moved anything in

Finnur Atli and his plumber butt at the Laundromat Cafe, where there is a big playroom for kids. We are frequent guests.

Finn had some warts burned off. It did not go well. We won't do that ever again...poor guy. He is all better now, but it was super gross for a while there.

All bandaged up and ready for an ice cream treat (mostly because Mama and Pabbi needed it after watching the nurse dress his wounds...)

Happy kids at Mokka on Menningarnott ("Culture Day"). Oh, we had culture alright...cocoa culture with waffles. Mmmmm....

Whipped cream boy

Elsa was determined to have some of "That Pink Thing" we waited in line for a very long time, and then she ate the whole thing. Several hours later, as she was running for the toilet (screaming, "I need to poop! Now! I need to poop!") she told me that she thought she probably should not have eaten the whole Pink Thing, because it is not good for her tummy. Smart girl.

We have wonderful upstairs neighbors. There is a girl who is four and a boy who is three...and Fluga (Fly) that dog! Jackpot!

Kids munching on kleinur from the bakery on the next block

New house has good windows for climbing

Making good use of our new bathtub and bubbles!

Johanna came over for a visit!

 Tucker'd out at Harpa. It was a long Saturday afternoon that day.

Happy kids exploring at the park

And playing in the bath!

Elsa drawing pictures to send to Grandma Nancy!

Floodgates

It is weird that people associate spring with rebirth and new beginnings. I guess it isn't that weird, as spring is a time of new buds and fresh growth and baby animals and all that, but at least my impression in Iceland is that each season is the beginning of something new. From the grey and rainy Pacific Northwest, where there are essentially two seasons (rainy and AWESOME!) I am still awestruck and exhilarated when I start to notice the subtle differences that come with life at 60-something degrees North. The light and dark is the most drastic change (it's basically always cold) but the explosions of color in the spring and summer are a deep contrast to the stark barrenness and chill of winter here. Fall has always felt like a time for new beginnings for me, probably because of life on an academic calendar. I think of going back to school, starting a new journey, the opening of a new opportunity. Today feels like that somehow. It's rejuvenating. 

Weather is so closely tied to the Icelandic psyche. It is the single most common way to open a conversation with a loved one or a stranger. It's no surprise, really, in a country that throws bizarre and unbelievable weather events at you, that part of the enduring cultural makeup of the people who have been fool-hearty and stubborn enough to survive here for so many centuries is profound shared connection through climate. It used to be in the olden days that our very survival was literally at the whims of the wind. I am sure that every person who has lived here during the winter (foreigners and Icelanders alike) have at one time thought to themselves, "Why the fuck did the Vikings STAY here?!" Weather could determine if you ate, or if you froze. In particularly aggressive winds, I thank fate that I am not a fisherman, rocking and rolling over high dark and terrifying seas not knowing if I would ever reach land or not. And I thank fate that I live here in a time in history in which there is more than wool, the body heat of livestock living indoors, and burning peat to keep me warm.  

I was granted Icelandic citizenship on July 4th, takk fyrir. Mostly this makes me happy that I will be able to vote in national elections where I have my work, home, and my kids go to school. I will be able to participate in society and have a voice on this issues I care about. And, also, I am ecstatic that I will never have to talk with anyone from the fecking Directorate of fecking Immigration ever a-fecking-gain! Well, not for me at least. Maybe for work. It's not their fault they are absolutely horrible. I would probably be a sour nasty spiteful person if I had that job, too. Bless their hearts. So, I am Icelandic now. I can avoid making eye contact with people I know when we run into one another in public so that we won't be forced to have an awkward conversation when neither one of us has anything to say to one another. It's ok. I don't see you either. I can stock up on black pants and tops and coats and dresses...all clothing, actually. I can die my eyebrows and get a fake tan and insert an almost-too-loud-and-nasal, "Ha?" after every point I make. Ha. Nah. I love them, my new fellow countrymen. They are often way too serious, though. And it's true about the avoiding eye contact thing. Nobody here knows how to handle friendly smiley American. They must all think I am on drugs or something. 

Anyways. Floodgates. In my effort to blog more, because I feel I really do have quite a lot to say. It shouldn't be all that hard to sit down every once in a while and bang out a blog post. If only for posterity, so that when I am old and confused, the internet will have a sliver of information about what life was like so many years ago. What was going on in my messed-up-over-cluttered mind. Why not. 

And now for pictures of the two most adorable children on the planet. 

Go, Bananas! B-A-N-A-N-A-S! Hotel edition.

Quiet, warm and cozy babes...Makes me want to snuggle up.

Fun with Face paint one otherwise quiet Friday evening

Future World Leaders at Elsa Maria's 4th birthday party....Elsa, Johanna, Katrin Nanna, and Roskva. Take note. These four ladies are going places!

Snacking with Johanna

Car nap!